7 ALONE-Things I Want To Try

Scopophobia: the fear of being stared at by others and drawing attention to oneself.

I am the type of person who enjoys company of others and hates despises attention a lot. I seldom go to places alone since I don't like the feeling of being stared by groups of people in a room or not having someone to talk to about random things on my mind. I hate catching attention, in every form. But as part of growing up and slowly becoming the independent person I want to be, I think I must give up that fear of attention and embrace things I haven't done before. In line with this, I made a list of things I want to do ALONE. Aside from the above mentioned reason, I want to try these things to discover new stuffs on my own and challenge myself to go out of my comfort zone.

1.) Eat in fancy restaurant alone.

I want to try this because I haven't try to eat alone in a crowded place before. I always wonder how does it feel, Will it be awkward? or Will I ever feel sad that I'm alone? I gave so much respect on people who have the guts to eat alone and do things alone and I always dreamed of seeing myself that confident to do so. I plan to do this on a place that I haven't been before and eat food that I have never tasted before. I want to create a whole new experience.

PS. I will also make sure to bring a good book (company).

2.) See a movie (either a sad or scary one) alone.

I am not really into going to cinemas or theater to watch movies. Normally, I would just find a copy of the film online and watch it in my laptop or I would just wait for it to be played in HBO or Star Movies with my family. Since seeing a movie in a cinema or theater is a not-so-common-thing for me I want to try it alone. I would like to watch a sad movie, that I will my heart out and never mind how I looked like crying or a scary one, and try not to scream at the top of my lungs when scenes got scary since I'm an easily scared person when it comes this kind of stuff. 

3.) Travel somewhere far alone.

This is one of the things I want to do as soon as I can. Traveling always seems a goal for me for I believe that exposing myself to other ways and cultures is a very fruitful experience. I want to visit breath-taking spots and learn new things that will add spice and color to my personality. Traveling alone I think will also help me to meet new people and enhance my socialization skills. I really look forward to accomplish to this one very soon.

4.) Go to a concert of my favorite artist alone.

I have never tried to do this since I am not allowed to be out at night by my parents. I would just update myself trough tweets, posts and other sources. I think this would be totally awesome, since I would have no company it means I have no choice but to socialize and meet new people and sharing the same favorite artist would be a good foundation for friendship.Or I will just enjoy the concert, singing alone with my fave artist's greatest hits while tears stream down to my face because of the "feels" of their songs and not caring about how I look because nobody in the thousand of people in the know me. Crazy right.

5.) Go to a museum or art gallery alone.

I have already visited some museums during field trips in my younger years and I want to try it alone to appreciate the beauty of artworks and expose myself in this kind of stuffs. I am not really artsy and I envy those who have artistic side. I want to try this just for an experience and who knows maybe I would be inspired and try to get artsy too. (Well that ain't gonna happen though, I am a hopeless case when it comes to arts sadly)

6.) Go to a salon and get a new haircut alone.

I have never tried to go to salon alone for a haircut. I would always ask either my mother or sister to accompany me because I am afraid how will my haircut would turn out. Getting my hair cut or a new hairstyle is a big deal for me because growing my hair long takes a lot of time and I don't want to suffer a bad hairdays that long. I don't want to make an impulsive decision that I will surely regret later. I want to try this to for a new look and see how would people take it. I just hope that this will not fail.

7.) Attend a gathering or party alone.

When there are parties or even family gathering I would always make sure that I have a legit  (meaning hindi nang-i-injan) company. Again I don't want attention and not having someone to talk even if I know some people there. I will just normally sit in the corner and observe people around me or probably read a book just to kill time. I am not really a party person. (uh-oh party pooper alert on me).

My Kind Of Weather

As I look outside the window, the pavements are all wet due to hours of continuous rain. The crystal-like droplets of rain falling into the leaves of the plants outside seems to be so cold. The cold breeze touches my skin signifying the year about to end. I can hear nothing except the pitter-patter sound of the rain in my roof. I still have tons of things to do in my list because the PreLims due this week but here I am enjoying the storm outside with a mug of steaming hot chocolate. As the hot liquid touches my lips, it brings warm feeling in my soul and the sweet taste that lingers in tongue seems to comfort the raging storm not just outside but within me.

Every rainy day is a lazy day for me. I tend to sleep longer and develop clinomania, an excessive desire to stay in bed. I don't like the idea going out and getting myself wet. Rainy days tend to develop the homebody side of me. I enjoy staying at home, with my pajamas, sweater and socks, curled up in bed reading good books with a cup of a warm drink or indulging myself to heartwarming soups.

Pasko Na Ngunit Wala Ka Pa

It has been a while since I wrote a Tagalog composition. Another poem I made out of boredom.

Pasko Na Ngunit Wala Ka Pa

12-18-15

Photo not mine

Dumating na naman ang umaga

May keso at pandesal sa lamesa

Kapeng nanlalamig na sa tasa

Ngunit mapait pa rin ang lasa.

Dumaan na naman si Ka Isko

Kilalang dito'y magtataho,

Minsan naman ay bote -dyaryo 

Siya din ay naglalako.

Lalabas ng kwarto si Inay

At ang kapatid kong si Duday

Mag-aalmusal, maliligo

Pagkatapos ay aalis ng bahay.

Dumating na naman ang umaga

May keso at pandesal sa lamesa

Kapeng nanlalamig na sa tasa

Ngunit mapait pa rin ang lasa.

Dumaan na naman si Ka Isko

Ngayon 'di na siya magtataho, 

Nanalo na siya sa lotto

At ngayo'y may-ari ng ng kasino.

Lumabas na ng kwarto si Inay

Kasama ang aming kasambahay

Nars na rin pala si Duday

at paalis papuntang Hawai.

.

Sa loob ng limang taon

Nag-aantay pa rin ako

Na makita sa tapat ng bahay

Kahit man lang anino mo.

Limang Pasko ang nagdaan

Limang taon ang nakaraan

Pasko na naman, Sinta

Pasko na ngunit wala ka pa.

Sunday Currently 04

reading A Daughter's Cry at Wattpad ( I have just started it)


writing my post for Sunday Currently 04


listening to I'll be Home For Christmas by Rascal Flatts and the sound sound of raindrops outside (perfect match para magsenti)

thinking about Christmas and the upcoming PreLim Exam


smelling Clover chips I have munching one right now)


wishing for a good result of my exams.

hoping for gifts this Christmas season (doesn't have to be material things but a new phone sounds good)


wearing blue shirt and blue short  for pantulog.


loving hot chocolate and the cold weather.


wanting to go home so bad.


needing a sound mind for the PreLim


feeling loved. Mama and I just had a heart-warming convo a while ago.


clicking Blogger, Youtube, Facebook and Wattpad.

To My Best Friend (Whom I Left Without A Word)

I hate the fact that I'm writing again. Not that I hate writing but because when I write something like this, I know I am not okay. This is not the first time that I will write something about our you, our friendship exactly, and probably this is not the last. I guess just like before, I cannot contain it anymore, I feel like there is raging storm inside me and again, I have to let this all out.

Before anything else, I just want you to know that you are a good friend and a good person. I wouldn't choose to stay by your side if you are not. I always look up to you as a person, how organized you are with your things and how creative you are with your writings and drawings. And I want to thank you for all the things that you have done for me. All those adjustments and patience for my crazy personality and most of all for being a friend, since then.

I always smile whenever I reminisce our bonding. We used to be really close with each other. We treat each other more than friends, like sisters in fact. We tell each other random things and we never run out of stories even if we are always together. We used to have our spontaneous sing-along and I would always know your favorite song at a certain time because you will play it and sang it over and over again until I already memorize it. Crazy right. We also used to eat dinner together not minding how late it is to come home. We also used to shop together whenever I have to attend a formal event, you were my stylist and also my make up artist once. We used to be friends. We used to.

I thought this is it. After our numerous  fights before we finally worked out our differences and this friendship is gonna last a lifetime, but I guess I was wrong. As what Heraclitus said, "The only permanent thing in this world is change", maybe that is what happened to me, to us. Our relationship with some people who are very close to us (inevitably) changes. Just like our friendship which had faded away. Maybe it is me, who grew tired with each other and let all those happy memories fade.

Things are different now, we both knew this is a fact. We are not talking to each other anymore. There is this barrier between us, which I guess is  pride (only applies to me). I appreciate that you tried to talk to me before to settle things but I wasn't ready that time to face you because I am still clouded up with problems that time and I honestly don't know what's wrong, all that I know is something's wrong but I couldn't pinpoint what. Slowly, I drifted away without a word, without good bye. Sorry for leaving you and some of our closest friends. Sorry for leaving you without a sound explanation, I know you deserve one but maybe I really don't have a good reason to give you. The only thing I know is I'm tired- of us. I feel like I'm losing myself, my identity, when I'm with you. There are things that I want to do but I can't because I feel like doing such things will not make you feel good. You decide things for me, maybe because you care so much that you don't want me to make mistakes or be hurt, but you should not take over my life. I have to learn and do things at my own will. And I chose freedom over you. Yes, I know this is absurd but still.

I chose to leave you and not to fix this because some things are better left broken. Sometimes insisting to fix broken things would just shatter it more to pieces because both of us are still not ready. This may sound absurd or what but I don't regret my decision. I found no guilt within. Yes, there is pain and attachment but there is glimpse of happiness for my freedom. You still have a special place in me, I guess it is not easy to top you for that spot. I miss you. I wish you all the best in life because you deserve it and may you find a happiness from within.

Your Ex-Friend

Reaction to Randalf Dilla's "Salvage Memories, Salvage Lives"

Last November 26, 2015 our Philippine History class went to Ateneo de Naga University, a nearby school, to witness a breath-taking masterpiece by Randalf Dilla entitled Salvage Memories, Salvage Lives. After seeing the  mural painting we are asked to write a reaction paper and here's a copy of mine.

Photo not mine

Photo not mine

The painting is about the human rights issues in the time of Martial Law, it is an 8 x 18.5 feet acrylic and oil painting by a 28 years old Randalf Dilla, a Feati University alumnus. The painting’s central focus is on Marcos’ image with iron hands to show his kind of leadership. He was seating in a table were gold bars were tumbling down, depicting the country’s wealth treated by Marcos as his own. The Philippine’s flag clothed the table and was chained to it, for me it is a depiction how Marcos used and chained the whole nation according to his will. Below him are men who were chained, some are covered by a violet clothed on their head symbolizing lent, and were like screaming due to intense pain. This, on my opinion, symbolizes Filipinos tortured and brutally treated in Marcos’ time. In his upper right corner were 12 frames with a picture of 12 men wearing shades called the Rolex 12, according to the description received the status symbol watch. In his background was picture of guns surrounding him, for me it depicts how he used the military for his own safety.

At a first glance, I can say that I was awed by the painting. In my own perspective, it is very powerful and igniting. By just looking at it, I can feel a certain emotion arousing inside me, a mix of pity and rage. What really caught my attention at first is the emotion painted on the faces of the chained men lying on the ground and trying to flee, it was full of agony and pain. By just looking at their faces I can imagine the sound of their voices because of an excruciating pain they feel. I felt demoralized as a Filipino seeing through the painting what my fellow citizen have gone through. Another thing that caught my attention is the image of President Marcos, very strong and full of authority. Beyond the sign of age in his face, still it was full of fearlessness. His face showed an emotion that suggests that he is a powerful individual and you have no choice but to follow his command. His hands were painted like iron to depict his leadership as violent. I really like the way the painter creatively depict the Marcos’ term in just one masterpiece. Even if I am not that knowledgeable about that Marcos’ term the mural clearly showed me what it’s like. Through symbolism like the gold bars on the table, the flag of the Philippines chained and used as tablecloth, the guns at Marcos’ background, the chained men and the 12 guys in frames I seemed to understand what it was trying to convey, the situation of the Philippines under Martial Law, and it had reached me. The colors vividly set mood of the artwork and greatly helped to focus the underlying theme.  Although I don’t have an artistic eye for painting, I can say that balance and proportion was properly observed because it was pleasing to the eye and what must be the highlight was highlighted and given enough attention.

By this painting, I was moved to see our country’s situation before and somehow challenged to do my part as a Filipino not to allow this to happen anymore. I, as a youth, have the power and responsibility to protect my country and must not waste the lives of my ancestor who suffered and died for the exchange of freedom that I am enjoying right now. The freedom that they fought for, also must not be misused for the deterioration of my country instead used as a tool to helped my country achieve more and let all Filipinos live harmoniously. To wrap this up, I pledge to be a responsible citizen and be an agent of change by not being part of anomalies and corruption in this country.

Sources: 

http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/206540/salvaged-memories-salvaged-lives-hiraya-to-unveil-trenchant-mural-on-marcos-dictatorship

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/image/lifestyle/09/18/15/painting-depicts-martial-law-philippines

https://www.artrenewal.org/pages/viewartwork.php?filename=/artwork/2014-2015%20Salon/12490_5540_Dilla_Figurative_Salvaged%20Memories,%20Salvaged%20Lives_primary_image-huge.jpg

Reflection on I Witness' Byaheng Sikmura

As part of the requirement in our Philosophy class we are asked to write a reaction paper about the documentaries and film that we watched ( kumacareer ng paperworks ang mga prof namin ngayon chos!). I chose Byaheng Sikmura by I Witness because I enjoyed wactching it. Here is my reflection paper a 600+ word vommit:

Byaheng Sikmura is a documentary that showed me a glimpse of the life of street dwellers that rely on dole outs for their food and some basic necessities. Tagpi and the Baklang Yagits are one of those street dwellers who religiously avail the free food from different institutions may it be religious or non-government. Tagpi and his fellow beggars already have a list of schedule for the feeding stations and all they have to do is line-up, pray, jump up, dance and wait a couple of hours in exchange of free meals and services like grooming and  medical help in terms of the group of Koreans. I find their way of life very striking, funny it may seem but a deeper and more serious issue lies behind that funny way of life.

One that really caught my attention is Edgar, a former DOST scholar who went to Manila for his studies but his track of life changed, he is still a newbie when it comes to this way of life and by the way I see it he seems to like it. I feel sorry and regretful for him. He still young and a lot of opportunities might come on his way but he settled to rely on dole outs for food. As I watch the documentary I have seen a lot of beggars whom I think is still in good shape but preferred to choose this way of life. I am not against with the act of helping the beggars. In fact, it is very aligned to one of our school’s core values, Advocacy to persons who are poor, but what bothers me is how they do it. The street dwellers already depended on dole outs for their food. They spend most of their waiting for other people to “spoon-feed” them instead of working hard to suffice their needs. They’ve become lazy. I can relate this situation in the one of the controversial issue in our government, the Pantawid Pamilya Pilipino Program or popularly known as 4Ps. This program helps our fellow countrymen through providing monetary assistance to poor Filipinos. The way I see it, it has the same objective, to help poor people in supplying their needs and maybe to eradicate poverty. Every once in a while I will see a very long line in the local bank and it signals their “pay check” for being a poor is already out for distribution. As I have observed, beneficiaries’ way of life doesn’t seem to improve. In my perception, not because the money is not enough but because they don’t spend it well thinking they will have one again next month and worse, some even didn’t bother to find a job since they already have money for their needs.

Reflecting on this, I have realized that helping is indeed good but the way one does it sometimes makes it bad. Helping to the point that the people I help have gone lazy and just depending on my help. As what the famous saying goes, “Don’t give man a fish instead teach him how to fish and he will never be hungry for the rest of his life”. Another is, even if the objective of helping is good the manner it is done also must be also good to produce good reults.

To wrap this up, this documentary challenged me as a youth to apply whatever its impact to me in my simple but meaningful way. In response, I will continue to help but I would make sure that my help will inspire the people to help themselves also. For example, in a classroom basis I will my help classmate in studies not by letting him copy my answer instead teach him the process on how to analyse problem and situations and how to solve problems on his own. Helping him that way may cost time and effort but it is sure worth it thinking I am helping him the right way.

Pardon me for errors these are still subject for proofreading and revision.

Sunday Currently 03

Christmas is really around the corner and I must say it is indeed the merriest season of all. I can already feel the cold breeze of air and see the twinkling lights everywhere. For my Currently Sunday 03, welcome to my monotonous life!!!!

reading an article about Extraordinary Jubilee Year of Mercy for my RE class tomorrow.


writing my post for Sunday Currently 03 (and will try to write another post tonight)


listening to Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas by Michael Buble (Christmas feels)

thinking about the stuffs to accomplish this week and how to  manage my time.


smelling apples (I had one for dinner with warm lemonade, suits the cold weather)


wishing for motivation to face this week.

hoping for a awesome week ahead ( my life has been monotonous lately) .


wearing thin pink shirt and yellow short (despite the cold weather) for pantulog.


loving my 9-hour sleep last night.


wanting to finish all my assignments (nakaka-istris b3h).


needing a hot chocolate and cookies (more like craving haha)


feeling sleepy but I still have tons to do, blame my unplanned movie marathon last night (more like morn-night) that lasted until 3 am.


clicking Blogger, Youtube and Facebook.

Yup another week has passed and yet my life is still boring.